She knows, you know
by Jammalot
Summary: There are so many things she hasn’t told you, yet you know. Or, you think you know. And only because they are things you think you should know by now.


**A/N: Little sad piece, written in a moment of reflection. It's probably dedicated to someone, just as I'm likely to have a muze for this, but I shall keep it a secret ;) Please R&R and I hope you like it!**

There are so many things she hasn't told you, yet you know. Or, you think you know. And only because they are things you think you should know by now.

She told you she loves you. That, you know. She told you, crying, because she knew you weren't destined to be together very long. She's always known it. But she never realized it would be as short as it was. Yet, those hours, they were the most wonderful hours in her life. She thinks you know that. She's tried to remind you of the time that was. When all was still new between you, and every time she touched you, told you she was falling in love. Not in words, she never did that until that incredible day. She told you in the way she looked at you, got lost in your eyes. She could see you falling in love as well, because she saw you were looking at her the same way.

She told you in the way she grabbed your hand when trying to get your attention, and ending up not letting go for more than an hour. She knew you liked that, because not ever did you pull your hand away. You know she loved to see your hand intertwined with hers. She still does. She thinks you don't know, yet hopes that you do.

She never told you just what made her fall in love with you. Your time together was to short fort that, and she was busy showing you she loves you. She never got to tell you that she felt like drowning when looking in your eyes, and it was the most exquisite feeling. She never told you about how nervous she was that first time she took your hand. She never said how at home she felt when your arms were around her. She never had the time to say that you, simply existing, were her reason to live. And she never got the chance to tell you how lost, broken, scared and alone she was when her time with you ended.

There were so many things she wanted to do with you. And to you. She wanted to take you for a road trip along the French Coast, she wanted to show you the beauty of London, wanted to introduce you as hers to everyone she knew. She never wanted to own you, she just wanted to make sure everybody knew not to touch you, because you loved her.

She wanted to take you to the USA, not even knowing how you two would even get there. She wanted to simply share everything that meant something to her with you. She never got to share, though.

She wanted to be gentle and loving and at the same time she was burning with desire for you.

One touch made her quiver, but she never told you. She never got to make wild, passionate

love to you, the way she wanted. She never got to act on all her fantasies. Hell, she never had

the chance to ask you about yours. And how desperately she wanted too.

And when you were gone, she dreamed about the day the world would be back to normal, the

day when you would be back in her arms and the universe would be alright again. She was surprised when the world just kept going, though. The worst things ever had just happened and people were going on with their lives. How could they now know that the love of her life had just boarded a plane, to leave her life. How could they now know that everything would be different from that point on. How could they now know she died a little that day. She hoped you understood her. She hoped you would somehow know why her messages were off a little, why she sounded desperate, why she couldn't write a normal letter. You knew that, yet your life had been turned around as well. That made it difficult. Talking became impossible. Letters were getting shorter. She kept dying, day by day, hoping you would know.

Did you?

And then the day came. You returned. But somewhere, along the way, everything had changed. Nothing was normal anymore. The fire in her returned, you could see that. But, you could also see immense pain behind what love there was left. You could see she was struggling, and you could see her hoping you understood. She tried so hard to help you, since she thought you were having a harder time than her. She did everything in her power to make you feel at home. But how could she? How can one help another, when their heart is broken?

How could she help you, when she didn't even know how to help herself? She was falling into a black hole, and she was wishing, hoping, begging and praying for to you to see it. For you to help her. For you to recognize the love that, after all this time, was still there. Still burning as brightly as the day she fell in love.

You know that, don't you?


End file.
